After all what i actually wrote in the last post back in march, i slowly doubt at the friendship i have with my said friends and actually wasnt feeling any better the months after i actually wrote my post.
I talked with my friend about that but it didnt made the problems any better, tbh, it made them more or less worse.
Right now, i deleted ONE of my friends, the one who has a problem about understanding a good dang reason, from my friendslist of steam since he compaired our friendship with a game of Uno. I tried to talk about that to with him but at the end i tried to come down and talk with him another day or in a month maybe. Today i just saw him again playing a game i actually recommended to play with him and the others - problem here: without me.
Sure i did a backflip about that and just give it a break now. the situation reminds me of a older part of me where i actually recommended stuff like games or movies to people which i could enjoy with them together but sadly ending that they enjoy it with someone else, my brother did that and some other friends. It was not like they didnt want me to enjoy it to, it just happend and they actually felt sorry about that.
Sadly here, my friend dont see a reason to do that and went so far that "i should go back in "my world"". Not knowing that that kinda hurted me pretty hard, i just took a deep breath and leave it that way, left him now behind, i sure raged today to and the other days but i finally think im in the position to say "i should really think why im a friend of that person, if he handles me like a 5th old-used-wheel."
I will here not make again another "im so fucking worry about my friends" post, more a think and poke about how it feels to be left totally alone by someone you trust a long time. He should know by now that i dont like that and that that freaks me out. Am i now mad? No, im not. Im again and again very very disappoined about this and that this actually happend, again.
If thats not a reason to worry about, im now also not more able to get a good job since the doctors said im "unable to work" - which means that this also pretty much bites my nervs right into the right place, giving me now sometimes hard depressions. I really should think about to to come out of this "hell´s circle" and find something what helps.
I really think i should get something new to do or friends which are there for me again. Right now, i feel like im in the very wrong place between the wrong people which has nothing better do to then sitting infront of their computers and playing games. I might will again do sport, i duno why i stoped it, guess time reasons. I still remember the good times with my ping pong friends and how good i was in this game. a shame i lost my stuff for it...